Herpes and Mental Health: Part 1
/I have been working with individuals diagnosed with genital herpes for over 20 years in different capacities. Most of the people I work with do not develop serious clinical depression but many of them do struggle with a period of sadness and shame. They feel scared, angry, and hurt. They can have feelings of hopelessness, lowered self-esteem, and may feel alone, either believing they can’t tell others or that others can’t understand, even if those people respond in caring ways.
Most of this sadness is associated with the stigma. Usually it is the meaning associated with herpes that is the hardest part of the diagnosis. The emotional pain and shame are primarily centered around the fear that no one will accept you if they find out, particularly romantic or sexual partners.
Feelings of Uncertainty and Loss
In the beginning, it can feel hard to imagine how you will wrap your head around the diagnosis. You might feel the loss of dreams you had about your future. You might wonder how your life will turn out. You may worry about future symptoms and what they’ll be like.
These feelings are often temporary and the first stage of adjustment. Although you might have feelings of hopelessness, reading an article like this shows that you do want to feel better and that you do in fact have some hope that you can feel better. And you can. You can have a good life with a herpes diagnosis.
Resilience
Resilience is a characteristic that gives us what we need as humans to get through difficult times. You may not feel very resilient in this moment and that is ok. It is normal to need time to adjust to something that feels life changing. It’s normal to feel grief about change and what you feel you’ve lost. And people grieve in different ways and for varying amounts of time depending on the circumstances. And this grief often is part of a process of problem solving, an attempt to understand new circumstances and figure out what you will do about them.
Hope
There are very good reasons to have hope. A genital herpes diagnosis often does not turn out to mean what a person initially thinks it will mean. And most of my patients do adjust. They do find hope again. They do feel happiness again. Their courage grows. They learn how to talk about herpes with new partners. They date, find love, have families, and even have casual sex if they choose. People with herpes can do all the things everyone else is doing. The main change is that my patients start making an effort to talk about sexual health before having sex with someone new. This may not sound very fun and may feel embarrassing at first, but people find ways to do it that feel authentic for them. And they often find partners who appreciate this and who respond in sincere and caring ways.
Of course rejection can happen. That is part of being human. But truly, after all these years of working with patients diagnosed with herpes, and witnessing the many, many partners who have accepted people with this diagnosis, I don’t believe that herpes has to get in the way of any of your life dreams or desire to connect with others in whatever way you long for. (Here’s one of my posts on rejection.)
Don’t give up hope. And don’t give up on finding a way to move forward.
In-Person Counseling in NYC
If you are in New York and would like in-person counseling or to participate in my therapy group for women diagnosed with herpes, please call or email me. I’m located in the Murray Hill neighborhood of Manhattan. I would be happy to speak with you about whether counseling or the group might be helpful to you and whether working with me might be a good fit.
Other Posts on Herpes
If you’d like to read more, here are my other posts about herpes.
**This information is not intended to replace medical advice or psychotherapy and is not intended to address all the caveats of a diagnosis.
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About Melissa King
I am a licensed mental health counselor in New York City with a psychotherapy office in the neighborhood of Murray Hill in Manhattan. Find out more about me here. I'd love to hear from you. Email me if there's a topic you'd like to read about here.
**Information on this site is not intended to replace medical advice and does not constitute a psychotherapeutic relationship with the reader.
